At 4:17 a.m. today President Trump posted a tweet in which he charged the Wizard of Oz with espionage, a disclosure that will, he said, bring about the biggest scandal the Emerald City has ever seen. Trump claims he has discovered that the Wizard had embedded Toto in the Trump Campaign to dig up dirt on Trump. This scheme was thwarted by the Trump and his Team. Toto found so many crooked people producing so much dirt that Toto was unable to decide what to include, what to exclude from his report, and thus missed the last balloon to the Emerald City. He was soon apprehended, and after several days of enhanced interrogation finally confessed. However, Trump says he is prevented by national security concerns from publishing all of Toto’s confession, and so will be making available only a redacted version to select members of the House of Representatives.

David Nunes announced that the House Intelligence Committee is going to hold hearings about what he calls “an act of war.” Nunes maintains that it has been a false assumption that Toto is an American dog because he comes from Kansas. He [Nunes] has obtained classified documents that suggest that Toto is, in fact, an immigrant. However, Trump’s Evangelical Advisory Board disagrees, maintaining that Toto had been a wholesome American dog, but was beguiled by the attractions of the lewd way of life in the Emerald City, and then bribed by the promise of citizenship there to undertake this criminal breach of faith. Mr. Newt Gingrich claimed in an interview this morning on Fox News that he knew all along that Toto is a Democrat. Dick Cheney has called for an immediate invasion of the Emerald City to bring about a regime change. John Bolton, National Security Adviser, declared in a release this morning that unless the Wizard agrees to step down, he will hit the Emerald City so hard that nothing but a Munchkin colony will remain.